I hate his guts, but he is still all I can think about.
Maybe I am just tired, and I tend to be sad when I am tired, but I am also compulsive. I cannot stop looking for him, looking at his stuff, trying to acquire as much information about him. I hate that he is getting along - without me, and I'm looking at his MySpace.
What an idiot girl I am. I already have it all broken down. I fell in love with who he told me he was, and I was so convinced that person was worth loving that I told myself, "I'm in love. He's the one for me." But the warning signs were all there. He is the most selfish individual I have ever come across. That's hard for a selfless person to cope with... but I tried. I did for months. I didn't end it because I was so sure he was the one for me in the beginning, and I was afraid of being wrong. I renamed all of that fear as love.
But he told me I was a great thing, that I provided so much for him that he never had before. I took him to different places, different levels of thinking.
Now it's all taken for granted.
I'm the idiot. Such a fucking idiot.
How the Hell do I get over this? He's the first one I let in. I want him out, OUT!!!!!!
